I saw this gnarled tree today. It’s branches were going every which way. Some reached straight up towards the sky. Others snaked along the ground. Some looked like they had grown in one direction for a while and then decided to turn and grow in a different direction. Others wrapped themselves around other branches.

The tree had lots of branches, but the tree didn’t looked very healthy. There were a few green leaves on some of the upper branches, but most of the branches were bare. It looked like the whole tree was suffering because the branches were not working together.

When I look at my life I see that I am going in so many directions at once. I have my life in town and my life in the woods. I try to protect the wilderness and I hunt there. I cherish my solitude and I need conversations. I’m independent, but I’d like a family. I’m comfortable spending time in the places I know, but I long for adventure.

I started to wonder why the tree was so messed up, and at the same time why my life seemed so chaotic. I looked at the tree some more, trying to see what caused it to be so gnarled. I saw that it was overshadowed by larger trees. The sun’s rays didn’t reach it.

A healthy trees grows towards the sun light. With no light to grow towards, this poor tree was lost. Some of its upper branches saw enough light to grow tall, but the lower ones must have chased reflections. The result was a desperate try to find some meaning.

Is that what my life is? I go this way and that because I don’t have any guiding light pulling me in one direction. Or is it that I am chasing too many lights. As I sat there, I remembered an image of God that my mother shared with me.

God is the weaver of the universe. He takes the threads of life and weaves them into intricate patterns. He makes the fabric of the world we live in; he makes the fabric of our lives. When God finished creating the universe, the universe rebelled and tore itself apart. But God loves the universe and immediately took up the task of mending the tears and the holes. God takes the loose ends of our lives and weaves them back together into the perfect garment for us to wear.

Is God busy at work weaving the pieces of my life together? Do I need to look for him more, and in seeing him my life will start to weave itself together as I grow towards him? Do I need to just stop? Do I need to look for where God is and go there?

As I sat there in silence, I had the opportunity to gather my thoughts. As I thought about God and what he might be doing around me, I began to see how what at first glance seemed to be so many directions, actually was a series of things taking me on a walk in one direction.

I have a life in town and one in the wilderness, but when I am in town I bring some of the beauty of the the wilderness to those in town. When I’m in the wilderness, I bring some of the comforts of town to those I meet.

I try to protect the wilderness and hunt there, but when I hunt I’m careful. I hunt the wounded and old. I protect the young and the mothers.

I cherish my solitude and I need conversations, but I bring the insights I’ve gleaned in solitude to my conversations, and I bring the questions I’ve raised in conversations to my solitude.

I’m independent and want a family, but my independence will be an assist to my family, and my family with give me a base that will allow me to be independent.

I’m comfortable spending time in the places I know and I long for adventure, but when I adventure I make new friends and they become comfortable.

In all of these things I see a pattern. God has called me to love and to be a servant, so I love those I know in the city and in the wilderness. I care for nature and for those I have conversations with. I am independent, but I use that independence to build relationships and to help others.

What at first glance looked like a life going in so many different direction turns out to be a life trying to be the person God has called me to be.

Thank you God for weaving the loose ends of my life into your wonderful plan. Thank you for creating a gnarled tree, that still lives and provides a home for the squirrels and birds, and acts as a reminder that even when our lives look totally out of control, you’re there mending the fabric of our lives.